Wednesday, March 14, 2012

A Dedication to Disney Princes

A Dedication to Disney Princes

When I was a little girl, I had a passion for Disney animated movies. Belle from Beauty and the Beast? I thought I was her. She had brown hair, and so did I, so that makes sense. Oh please, if you tell me you didn’t want to be a guest at the enchanted castle you’re an idiot and you’re also lying.

Alert, alert, alert. The reason I wanted to be those Disney princesses is not because they were that cool (looking back they really weren’t that cool at all, they were kind of annoying and incompetent)…it is because I wanted their men. I was in love with every single Disney prince out there, with good reason. 

Below you will find the top 5 Disney men, in particular order.

5. Max - A Goofy Movie
Principal Mazer is the worst.
Cool hair, a performer, and a heart the size of Texas. Where do I sign? He's basically Justin Bieber. Note: the term "prince" is held loosely here....Max has got a hysterical dad so family gatherings will be awesome.....but Goofy is far from a King. Unless you mean a King of Comedy...........then yes.

4. Simba (older years) – The Lion King
He's a sue me.
Disney knew exactly what they were doing when they cast J.T.T. (Jonathan Taylor Thomas if you're an idiot and didn't know his nickname) as the voice of Simba in his younger years. He got us hooked early. Simba has the aura of being the boy next door we grew up with and eventually declared our love to. He's that carefree guy that you want to challenge to rise to his great potential. Ugh. Nala – I totally get it, girl.

3. Monsieur D'Arque – Beauty and the Beast
Sugar Daddy
 I’m kidding, I’m kidding, I’m kidding, I’m kidding.

3. Dimitri - Anastasia
He RSVP'd yes to my invitation.
Dimitri is so hot that he was invited to be on this list even though he isn’t Disney (Anastasia was a 20th Century Fox). What’s even better than his charming smile and great hair (fine, this whole list has great hair)? His whit and “I don’t care about you” attitude (until he does care about Anya!!! Yeahhh!!!………… and he cared about that annoying dog the entire was obvious).

2. Aladdin – Aladdin (ugh, the movie is named after him, that’s awesome)
You saw this one coming. When you first noticed that this was about Disney princes being attractive your heart went straight to streets of Agrabah. ...It’s obvious. When a gorgeous looking guy is sweet enough to give up his loaf of bread to a child that is clearly in more need, his hotness is multiplied by a zillion (give or take a few) and no girl would be moronic enough to deny him. Plus, he’s good with animals (Abu) annnd he gave up his last wish for his friend Genie. Come on. ..............fine, Aladdin, I'll marry you.

1.       Prince Eric – The Little Mermaid
Those are my hands on his shoulders.
OH COME ON – WHAT A DREAM!!!! He’s a dream. Dark hair, tan skin, easy going personality, blue eyes, perfect teeth, muscles.... I had no choice but to make him #1. Prince Eric is a spinning image of the gorgeous and charismatic John Hamm during his high school years, #Istolethatjokefrom30Rock.  Of course Ariel gave her voice to that fat octopus to get a pair of legs…Eric is not going to fall for some smelly fish. You know how that statue of him broke and Ariel found his statue face and fell in love with it? That happened to me too. I would do pretty much anything to make Prince Eric mine…and if that meant brushing my hair with a fork and looking like an idiot, then fine. 

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